Big news! My new book, Becoming the Boss, debuted this week at No. 11 on the New York Times Best Sellers List! Thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed the book for your support.
As I wrote earlier this month, the second step to becoming the boss is to face the challenge of being a manager and taking on your first official workplace leadership role. It won’t be easy because you’ll have a lot to learn as you go, but managing other people will be exciting and incredibly gratifying.
One challenge you’re likely to face as you move from being “just one of the team” to being in an official leadership role is having to manage friends who were once your peers. This change will be an adjustment for you and those friends, so you’ll need to communicate clearly and acknowledge things are different.
To help you face this challenge, here’s an excerpt from my new book, Becoming the Boss: New Rules for the Next Generation of Leaders:
Lori High, chief sales and marketing officer, Group Benefits, for The Hartford, has a lot of experience with this potentially sticky situation. “Having gone from being a peer to leading all of them,” she told me, “my advice is to acknowledge that that relationship exists, but to be aware as a new leader that everything has changed and to own that change.
“Your peers,” she continued, “will tend to make the relationship the same because that’s what they’re comfortable with. The reality is that the relationship isn’t the same. You have to respect the relationship you had before, but as a new leader over a former peer group, you are now held responsible and the decision making is yours. The person who promoted you believes in your decision-making ability. When everything is said and done, you are going to be held accountable.
“For example, if you attend a holiday party with a bunch of your friends from work who report to you, there is a point the social gathering could become ‘messy.’ Know when it is best to exit and be aware that you are always representing the company. That means now is not the time to divulge info to your friends or be involved in behavior that could later affect you and your relationship with them or the company.”
So how do you follow High’s advice and exit such a situation gracefully? You can say something like this: “I would love to go to the afterparty with you guys, but unfortunately I won’t be able to do that because of my job. I don’t want to see or hear anything I shouldn’t. You understand, right?”
Now that you’re a leader, you have to be aware of when it’s inappropriate for you to be part of a conversation or activity. Even if you’re just sitting there quietly, by virtue of being the leader of the group you are implicitly condoning whatever behavior is taking place.
Zoë Ruderman, deputy director, style & beauty at People, adds this advice about managing friends: “Be comfortable with your position and authority. As tempting as it is, never say things like, ‘I don’t know why I got this job’ or ‘I’m so underqualified,’ because it could give the sense that you’re nervous about the position, that you still feel the need to prove yourself to your own manager, or that you are in competition with others.”
It’s okay to feel these emotions, but, while you might have discussed such feelings with your friend when you were peers, now that you’re the boss you need to keep your feelings to yourself. It will sap your credibility and also make it harder to give your friend/employee directions and feedback in the future.
Keep reading. Becoming the Boss: New Rules for the Next Generation of Leaders is full of more advice about taking on your first leadership role.
