A few years ago I worked with an excellent life coach who helped me deal with, among other issues, stress. She asked me to bring my calendar to one of our sessions and together we looked at the number of meetings, phone calls, networking events, personal events, deadlines and errands I tried to fit into every week.
“Um, any guesses why you’re stressed?” she asked with a smile.
It suddenly seemed so obvious. My calendar was packed. Overflowing. I was stressed because, like so many people, I was trying to do too much. I was saying yes to absolutely every invitation and project. In the process, I was saying no to my own sanity.
This exercise happened to take place in the fall, so my coach assigned me the challenge of saying no more often in the hopes of clearing more space in my calendar. I decided to declare the 11th month of the year the month of “NO-vember” and say no to every non-essential activity or obligation that came my way during those 30 days. My default answer to every invitation or non-essential assignment (obviously I said yes to existing project deadlines and client requests), became “no,” “not now” or “let me get back to you.”
Here’s what I experienced, and what you might experience if you declare your own month of NO-vember:
- I became clearer on what I really wanted to do. Because I challenged myself to say no more often, when I felt myself desperately wanting to say yes to an opportunity, I realized what I really wanted — which projects got me most excited, which networking events felt most valuable, which activities really moved my career forward. If you find yourself undecided about where to take your career, try saying no more often and you’ll find the right opportunities make themselves clear and become absolute “yeses.”
- I accomplished more of my short-term and long-term goals. By clearing my calendar, I had time to get things done and start on projects that had been on my to-do list forever. I ended each day with a true sense of accomplishment. I know this is a “duh” — when you have more time, you can accomplish more — but we often forget that if you want to get things done, you have to make time to do things.
- I had more energy. When you work too hard and run from meeting to meeting to phone call to phone call to drinks to dinner to bed, you have no time to stop and refuel. I really do love the buzz and energy of being busy, but the truth is that when I’m really busy and overscheduled, I don’t feel buzzed and energetic; I feel really tired.
And, perhaps most surprising:
- No one really noticed! I thought all of my friends, professional colleagues and others would react negatively to my nos. I thought I’d lose multiple opportunities. I thought I’d get angry emails or phone calls from people who felt ignored or rejected. Instead, almost every time I said no to something, the response was, “okay.” Could it be that other people say no all the time? As a long-time people-pleaser, this was a revelation. I though you had to say “yes” all the time to be successful. What I learned in my month of NO-vember is that it is absolutely okay to say “no,” “not now” or “let me think about it” any month of the year.
I hope you’ll consider saying no more often this month or any month. And, as you’ve probably guessed, if you have a request for me this November, the answer will probably be a polite but firm NO.
